Sunday, May 31, 2009
Erm....cedeh giler mlm ni..
x semua orang mcm 2.....kalau manusia itu dah dikatakan x sempurna......kenapa kita perlu mengadili seseorang manusia itu seolah3 kita ini seorang yang sempurna......pada aku la kan.....manusia ini memang x sempurna...tetapi kita sendiri boleh menjadi manusia yang sempurna......tp.....mesti di atas inisiatif diri sendiri la....erm....
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Shafaq (also written Shafagh, Shafag, or Shakhab, meaning "Before the dawn") was described as a look-a-like of the YF-17. The Shafaq is an advanced Light Attack/Trainer aircraft designed by the Aviation University Complex (AUC), part of the Malek Ashtar University of Technology. The Shafaq was reportedly a subsonic aircraft, made of radar-absorbing material. It has a large leading edge root extension (LERX) and a root aft of the wing, giving it an unusual circular sub-section. The Shafaq drawings show a subsonic attack aircraft with an empty weight of just over 11,000 pounds, an overall length of about 46 feet and a 39-foot wingspan. The design included seven stores hardpoints–three beneath each wing and one beneath the aircraft's fuselage centerline.
Reportedly there were plans are to produce three versions, a one-seat fighter, a two-seat light attack aircraft and a two-seat operational trainer. Other reports suggested that the Shafaq would be built in three variants, which include a two-seat trainer, two-seat light attack and a one-seat light attack variant. Shafagh would incorporate various technologies of materials developed for the Azarakhsh. It is speculated that the Shafagh will be powered with the Russian Turbojet Klimov RD-33 used on the MIG-29.
The design for a new Iranian light attack aircraft appeared to be a replay of a light fighter design developed around the end of the Cold War at the Mikoyan design bureau in Moscow. The design of a nearly identical aircraft was set forward for the Russian Air Force as both as a light multi-role fighter, and as an operational trainer.
Saeqeh-Iran Jet Fighter
Shaequeh was never powered by RD-33, which is very big engine for the F-5 and woul require a redesign all tail part first. That never happened - it was just rumor.
Azarakhsh-Iran Fighter
Iran appears to have used the designation "Azarakhsh" (Thunder) to reference at least three and possibly four different aircraft configurations. None of these designs has entered serial production, and the promiscuous use of this name remains something of a puzzle. Iran is under no obligation to disclose all the details of its arms program, and to the contrary, following the old Soviet maxim of "show the best and hide the rest" is evidently engaged in a perception management effort seeking to magnify its apparent military strength by displaying "new" weapons. Some part of the confusion about "Azarakhsh" may simply reflect the confusion of Western observers, but in their bewilderment they have been assisted by the Islamic Republic.
The “Azarakhsh” serial final version seen in 2008 had finer lines, a ram air inlet aft of the wing [common to all F-5s but in evidence on this variant] and leading edge extension (LEX) “teeth” in the wings. The most visible feature is that the basic layout of the plane has been changed from a low wing aircraft with air inlets above the wing to a mid-wing aircraft with inlets below the wings. The wings were probably set higher to allow wider choice of munitions.
The high performance of modern fighters such as the F/A-18 in air combat manoeuvers is due in large part to its aerodynamic shape, and in particular, to the effect of the sharp, highly- sweptback leading edge extension (LEX) that extends forward from each wing root. At angles of attack typical in air combat manoeuvres, each LEX generates a large vortex above the aircraft. The lifting forces due to the LEX vortices give the aircraft its manoeuvring capability. The manoeuvrability does not come without penalty, however. The centerline core of the LEX vortex can undergo the phenomenon of vortex bursting or vortex breakdown. This occurs when smooth, steady airflow along the vortex core suddenly breaks down and becomes disturbed and unsteady. The core also expands considerably in diameter. Under air combat manoeuvring conditions the unsteady flow downstream of the vortex burst position impacts on the fins and tailplane of the aircraft, causing high dynamic loads on these surfaces. Severe structural vibration results, with consequent detrimental effects on the fatigue life of the aircraft structure.
Survivability and structural requirements in advanced aircraft require cooling and thermal management of aircraft and propulsion structures. Additionally, some applications of aircraft technology, particularly those applications on supersonic aircraft, require sources of cooled, high pressure air. Conventional methods for propulsion system cooling in current aircraft engines typically employ either engine fuel, or air from one of the various sources in the propulsion system as a coolant. Among the traditional sources of cooling air are ram air from the inlet. A characteristic of fixed area inlet configurations is that the ducted air speed generally increases with vehicle speed and higher speeds generally improve the rate of convective heat transfer from the heat generating component to the ducted air. Low ducted air temperatures also improve the rate of heat transfer.
Boeing KC-767J Aerial Refueling Tankers Join Active Air Wing In Japan
St. Louis MO (SPX) May 27, 2009
Boeing has announced that three KC-767J aerial refueling tankers recently achieved Initial Operational Capability (IOC) and have been placed in an active air wing in the Japan Air Self-Defense Force (JASDF).
"This is a historic achievement for the nation of Japan and a significant accomplishment for Boeing's tanker program," said Dave Bowman, vice president and general manager of Boeing Tanker Programs.
"These wide-body KC-767Js are now providing the JASDF with its own aerial refueling capability for the first time in history, while improving its ability to deliver passengers or cargo."
Officials with the Japan Ministry of Defense and JASDF officially designated the KC-767J tankers "operational" during an April ceremony at Komaki Air Base, Japan, after the aircraft successfully completed a yearlong technical evaluation.
The third of four KC-767J tankers ordered by Japan was ferried from Boeing's Wichita, Kan., modification facility and delivered on time and within budget to the JASDF in March. The first two tankers were delivered to Japan in February and March 2008.
Boeing is scheduled to transfer the fourth Japan tanker to the company's partner Itochu in December for delivery to the Ministry of Defense in the first quarter of 2010. Final work on that tanker is taking place at the Wichita modification center.
The KC-767 tanker, a military derivative of the proven Boeing 767-200 commercial airplane, features the company's advanced aerial refueling boom and Remote Aerial Refueling Operator II system.
Japan's tankers are convertible tanker/freighter KC-767Js, which provide flexibility in carrying cargo or passengers while maintaining their primary role as aerial refueling tankers.
"Delivery of the first KC-767J aerial refueling tankers, and their achievement of IOC status just a few weeks after the arrival of Japan 3, are great milestones," Bowman said. "Boeing has KC-767 international tankers that have been built, flown, tested, certified, delivered and in operational service today."
Boeing also has two KC-767 tankers in comprehensive flight test for the Italian Air Force (ITAF) and is performing modification work on two additional ITAF tankers. The first tanker for Italy is scheduled for delivery this year.
Outside View: DoD 'forgets' air defense
Arlington, Va. (UPI) May 26, 2009
When the U.S. Department of Defense "rebalanced" its military aircraft programs on April 6, they forgot about buying new fighters to protect the United States.
Remember the scare in April when the backup Air Force One made low circles over New York City for White House photographers? It looked for a moment like an F-16 was chasing the jumbo jetliner, bringing back chilling memories of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. Let's crop the 747 out of the mental image and focus on the fighters defending U.S. airspace.
Alert fighters under the North American Air Defense Command are responsible for intercepting any suspicious airliner or stray plane before it can do harm. On Sept. 11, 2001, 179 fighters flew air patrols over major U.S. cities. Three hundred aircraft in total joined the alert that day. Since then, U.S. Air Force fighters from the Air National Guard, Reserve and active components have racked up more than 39,300 sorties for what's called the air sovereignty mission, also known as Operation Noble Eagle. Due to rotational patterns U.S. Navy and Marine Corps fighters aren't available for the homeland defense mission. Full crisis alert draws on 18 sites supported by up to 324 fighter aircraft.
There's just one problem. F-16s and F-15s in the Air National Guard are so old that many will begin to retire in less than five years. In January the Government Accountability Office warned that air defense bases will soon start shutting down as their aircraft retire.
By 2020, 11 of the 18 alert sites in the United States will be gone because they have no aircraft, according to the GAO. Sixteen of those sites are run by the Air National Guard. Don't think these airmen are just weekend warriors. Many air guard pilots fly full time, and Air National Guard units also rotate regularly to Afghanistan and Iraq where they support ground forces. Despite this, the Pentagon has treated air sovereignty like a pick-up game for the last eight years.
Congress is ready to act, and there are several options, some wiser than others. Top priority is new fifth-generation aircraft for the air sovereignty mission. Hawaii's Air Guard is slated to get F-22s next year, and the plane is ideal for air sovereignty because of its speed and sensors.
The U.S. Air Force could shift more F-22s to the Guard if the plane stays in production. Next up is the F-35. Air Force initial operating capability is a few years away, which may be enough time to boost production to provide more F-35s for homeland defense.
Buying new F-16s or F-15s is a stopgap, but a poor one. The air sovereignty mission for the future requires fifth-generation radars, sensors and communications links to plug gaps in coverage of North American airspace and cope with new threats. With F-22s and F-35s, the Guard keeps its overseas mission, too. It would be silly to have the Air National Guard flying F-16s when major allies are flying F-35s.
Protecting the United States is supposed to be the No. 1 priority. "I think the decision needs to be made where does air defense and defense of the country range on the scale of priorities of the missions that the Air Force will be required to perform," Air National Guard Chief Lt. Gen. Harry Wyatt said at a recent congressional hearing. He couldn't be more right. Congress and the Pentagon Quadrennial Defense Review team need to tackle the issue before cuts in fighter buys leave America's skies vulnerable.
(Rebecca Grant, Ph.D., is a senior fellow of the Lexington Institute, a non-profit public-policy research organization based in Arlington, Va.)
(United Press International's "Outside View" commentaries are written by outside contributors who specialize in a variety of important issues. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of United Press International. In the interests of creating an open forum, original submissions are invited.)
Iran producing anti-cruise missile cannons
Tehran (AFP) May 24, 2009
Iran launched on Sunday a production line for manufacturing cannons for warships which can be used against cruise missiles, the Fars news agency reported.
"The final range of the 40-millimetre naval cannon, named Fath (victory), is 12 kilometres (more than seven miles) and it shoots 300 projectiles per minute," Defence Minister Mohammad Mostafa Najjar said in a statement reported by Fars.
"It can be used against cruise missiles ... It is an anti-aircraft low-altitude weapon for use on warships," he said, adding that it was being entirely built by Iranians.
Iran has boasted in the past of developing new weapons systems only for its claims to be met with scepticism by Western defence analysts.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced on Wednesday that Iran had successfully test-fired a new medium-range missile, named Sejil-2, drawing a warning from Israel that Europe too should now worry about the Islamic republic's ballistic programme.
El Segundo CA (SPX) May 27, 2009
Raytheon has been awarded a $54 million U.S. Navy contract to retrofit Super Hornet block II aircraft with APG-79 active electronically scanned array radars.
The award by the Naval Air Systems Command, Patuxent River, Md., calls for APG-79 AESA radars to be retrofitted into lots 26 to 29 of the F/A-18E/F aircraft.
The units will replace the APG-73 radars currently installed in the aircraft, ensuring that pilots and aircrews are equipped with the most advanced technology available.
"Raytheon's reliable, high-performance radar systems provide an affordable means for fleets to optimize fighter capabilities," said Tom Kennedy, vice president for Tactical Airborne Systems.
"The added reliability and maintainability of the APG-79 result in lower life-cycle costs and enhanced capabilities for the Navy."
Raytheon has delivered 134 AESA radars to the Navy for the Super Hornet and EA-18G Growler aircraft. With this latest contract, orders for the retrofit of the 133 block II F/A-18s now total 38.
Work on the retrofit program will be performed in Forest, Miss.; Dallas; El Segundo; and Andover, Mass., and is expected to be completed in December 2010.
Washington DC (SPX) May 27, 2009
Two weapons in development are expected to be more precision-oriented, lighter and lethal: the laser-sighted XM-25 Counter Defilade Target Engagement System and the Lightweight .50-Caliber Machine Gun.
The XM-25 will undergo field-testing this summer while the LW50MG is already being tested by Soldiers.
Program Executive Office Soldier at Fort Belvoir, Va., opened its doors earlier this month to give the media a look at the two weapons and other new gear in development that will lighten a Soldier's load yet improve survivability, lethality and comfort.
XM25: First shoulder-fired 'smart' weapon
The semi-automatic, shoulder-fired XM-25 with a five-round magazine of 25mm dual-warhead ammunition weighs in at about 14 pounds (about the same as an M-16 with a 203 grenade launcher) yet it's only a few inches longer than an M-4 Carbine with the shoulder stock extended. Decked out in Army Combat Uniform camouflage, its toy weapon appearance belies its expected lethality.
Richard Audette, deputy program manager for Soldier weapons, said the technology behind the XM-25 is a leap ahead because it's the first smart weapon system with a smart round in small weapons.
"The way a Soldier operates this is you basically find your target, then laze to it, which gives the range, then you get an adjusted aim point, adjust fire and pull the trigger," he said. "Say you've lazed out to 543 meters... when you pull the trigger it arms the round and fires it 543 meters plus or minus a one-, two- or three-meter increment, then it explodes over the target." That, he added, makes it a full-solution fire control weapon.
Audette said the evaluations this summer will test accuracy and effectiveness, and because it's a completely different type of weapon system its use will call for different tactics.
"For example, in Iraq we had many instances where there was a sniper firing from a rooftop and you have a squad trying to engage that target, but the Soldiers couldn't get to him with the weapons they had, so they'd call in the Air Force to drop a JDAM (joint direct attack munition)," he said. "We can take out the target at $25 per XM round as opposed to a $20,000 to $50,000 JDAM."
According to Audette, ranges in Afghanistan are longer than in Iraq. He said the XM-25 has an effective range of 750 meters, which is longer than an M-16 and M-4 and outperforms the 40mm M-203 grenade-launcher range by more than double.
LW50MG: Less weight, better accuracy
The MK-25 doesn't offer a Soldier any weight-savings, but the Lightweight .50-Caliber Machine Gun definitely will coming in with tripod at 64 pounds - half what the M-2 .50- caliber heavy machine gun weighs.
With the addition of a modified M-145 machine-gun optic, the LW50MG will be more accurate and quicker to reach its target because it will also have 60-percent less recoil than the M-2, which has been an Army staple in some form or another since 1921.
Col. Doug Tamilio, program manager for Soldier weapons for Soldier lethality and weight reduction, said the Army has more than 34,000 of the M-2s, each weighing in at 128 pounds with 256 moving parts, but the prototype LW50MG has not only half the weight, it also has only 128 moving parts.
"The M-2 is a great weapons system, but before you fire it, you have to set the head space and timing and if you want to change a barrel out, you have to unscrew it, pull it out, then insert and screw in a new barrel; then you have to open the feed tray cover... if you fail to check it or do something improperly, you could have an issue with a round going off because it doesn't have a safety on it," he said.
To fix that problem, PEO Soldier developed a quick-change barrel kit which allows Soldiers to simply pull out the barrel without having to screw in a new one. They simply insert a new barrel, lock it in place and start firing - the barrel moves but not the carriage which allows the LW50MG to carry the M-145 machine-gun optic, which is the one used on the 7.62-caliber M-240 medium machine gun.
"It has a lower cyclic rate, but because it has much less recoil and can fit a sight, it allows a Soldier to get a hit on a target much quicker and to hold that target with the sight," Tamilio said. "It's still in the development stage, but it has proven out to be very, very durable and accurate firing the same .50-caliber rounds the same distance."
Another plus to the lightweight machine gun low recoil is that the tripod spade grips won't have to be slammed into the ground and sandbagged to hold the weapon in place.
source:spacewar.com
SFW Munitions From New Assembly Line Successfully Tested
Wilmington MA (SPX) May 28, 2009
Textron Defense Systems has announced that its Sensor Fuzed Weapon (SFW) smart munition system has completed three successful flight tests at Eglin Air Force Base in Florida.
The tests utilized SFW production units assembled at the new McAlester Army Ammunition Plant (MCAAP) load, assembly and pack line in Oklahoma. As a result, the new line was fully qualified.
The Textron Defense Systems' SFW is unique among munitions systems because of its redundant technologies for clean battlefield operation.
In fact, it is the only air-delivered weapon that meets the strict unexploded ordnance criteria for cluster munitions set forth by the U.S. Secretary of Defense in June 2008.
Relocation of the SFW assembly line from the Kansas Army Ammunition Plant to MCAAP started in 2005 in accordance with the Base Realignment and Closure Act.
The relocation team, chaired by Textron Defense Systems, implemented building upgrades, including environmental controls and special non-conductive floors, then designed and implemented a final assembly line that incorporates Lean continuous improvement techniques for a condensed footprint and continued high quality output.
"We are committed to delivering munitions solutions that are both effective in their missions and free of dangerous unexploded ordnance," says Senior Vice President and General Manager Mark Catizone.
"For years, Textron Defense Systems has designed its smart munitions with robust, technologically advanced clean battlefield technologies to ensure that we are keeping non-combatants as safe as our warfighters."
source:spacewar.com
Jangan Bagi Kantoi
Ah Chong: Apa yang bising ni?
Isteri: Seluar dalam saya hilang bang.. tentu Seri (pembantu rumah) yang ambil
Ah Chong: Seri, betul kamu yang ambil?
Seri: Tidak Pak, Seri tak ambil
Isteri: Kalau seluar dalam biasa saya tak kisah, ini seluar dalam berjenama. Masih tak pakai lagi. Bukan satu tapi setengah dozen. Seluar dalam tu saya beli masa kat Eropah dulu…
Ah Chong: Tentu awak tak cari betul ni…
Isteri: Dah semua tempat saya cari. Dalam rumah ni tak ada orang lain yang ada. Tak kan la abang pakai seluar dalam saya…
Ah Chong: Mana ada abang ambil…. Seri, betul ke kamu tak ambil seluar dalam tu?
Seri: Betul Pak.. sumpah. Pak pun tahu saya TAK PENAH PAKAI seluar dalam.. masakan saya teringin seluar dalam tu..
By www.kelalkar2u.blogspot.com
Wanita Seksi
Wanita: Terima kasih, anda telah menolong saya…
Lelaki Inggeris: Sama², tapi anda harus membalas budi..
Wanita: Bagaimana?
Lelaki Inggeris: Tidur dengan aku….
Wanita: Tak guna, kau ingat aku pelacur?! Tidak!!
Lelaki Inggeris: Baiklah kalau begitu…
Lelaki Inggeris itu melepaskan semula wanita itu.
Di tingkat 50, seorg lelaki Perancis berjaya menyambut wanita itu.
Wanita: Terima kasih, anda telah menolong saya..
Lelaki Perancis: Sama-sama, tapi anda harus membalas budi..
Wanita: Bagaimana?
Lelaki Perancis: Tidur dengan aku…
Wanita: Tak guna!! Aku tak mahu!
Lelaki Perancis: Kalau begitu, tak guna aku selamatkan kamu…
Lelaki Perancis itu melepaskan semula wanita itu.
Dari tingkat 50, 40.. dan 30, tidak ada sesiapa pun yang dapat menangkap wanita itu.Wanita itu mula ketakutan dan berharap, jika ada orang yang menyelamatkannya, dia tidak lagi kisah jika terpaksa tidur dengan orang tersebut.
Akhirnya di tingkat 20, seorang lelaki Arab berjaya menyambut wanita itu.
Belum sempat lelaki Arab itu bersuara, wanit a itu terlebih dahulu berkata-kata…
Wanita: Terima kasih, anda telah menolong saya.. Sebagai membalas jasa, saya akan tidur dengan anda..
Lelaki Arab: Astaghfirullah… (lalu melepaskan semula wanita itu
kerana terkejut..)
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Pemohon yang jujur
Soalan seterusnya adalah untuk dijawab jika jawapannya adalah "Ya" bagi soalan sebelumnya. Soalannya berbunyi "Jika ya, kenapa?" Tetapi penganggur itu menjawab juga soalan itu dengan menulis "Kerana tidak pernah dapat ditangkap".
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Tak Pandai Cakap Inggeris
Keesokan harinya, Bambang masuk ke sebuah rumah makan. "Pesan apa?” tanya pelayan.
"Apple Cake and Coffe” kata Bambang.
Karena hanya itu yang dapat dikatakannya, ia terpaksa memakan kue apel dan kopi setiap hari selama satu bulan. Ketika ia mengeluh pada teman-temannya, mereka mengajarinya untuk mengucapkan "Meat bread”.
Dengan berbekal tambahan kata-kata barunya, Bambang masuk ke restoran dan langsung memesan, "Meat bread”
"Chiken or beef?” tanya si pelayan.
"Apple Cake and Coffe” kata Bambang
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Cerita Seram
pada suatu malam...
malam jumaat....
ada seorang kanak2 yang ingin kencing....
maka dia pun pergi la ke tandas....
selepas tu, kencing la dia....
selepas kencing, di mengapai tangan untuk mengambil tisu....
tetapi tisu tersebut sudah habis...
maka dia pun terus berlari ke biliknya dan terus tertidur tanpa mengelap tangannya dahulu.....
pagi esoknya........
dia pun.....
pergi kesekolah!
TAMAT
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Kisah doktor muda
Ia pulang ke rumah dengan wajah muram. Setibanya di rumah, ia merebahkan diri di katil dan fikirannya mula melayang.
Lalu ia mendengar suara dalam kepalanya berkata,
"Sudahlah, tidak usah difikirkan. Skandal doktor membuat hubungan intim dengan pesakit terjadi di mana-mana. Jadi kamu tidak perlu merasa bimbang."
Doktor tersebut cuba untuk setuju, tapi apa yang telah terjadi pagi itu terbayang kembali dan perasaan tidak selesa muncul lagi.
Ia membalikkan badan dan mendengar lagi suara dalam kepalanya,
"Tak perlu bimbang,orang sudah mula biasa dengan skandal hubungan seksual antara doktor dan pesakitnya."
Lelaki itu mulai tenang dan perasaannya beransur-ansur pulih...
Tiba-tiba suara lain dalam kepalanya berkata,
"Tapi masalahnya kamu kan doktor haiwan..."
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Boss & Seketeri
Pada suatu hari tu... Boss ni memanggil la dia punya seketeri masuk ke ofisnya... seperti biasa seketerinya pun masuk la...
Tolong buatkan saya surat untuk kita punya client...
Si Boss ni pun mula la cakap dia punya mukadimahnya. .. biasa la Boss... malas nak tulis... cakap punya cakap... Boss ni pun pusing-pusing meja sambil tangan masuk dalam poket seluar... 10 minit kemudian acara mengarang ayat pun habis... si seketeri pun mula bersuara...
Seketeri : Boss... pagi tadi kan ... masa saya nak datang ke Ofis... saya nampak pintu garage boss terbuka...
Boss : (Dalam keadaan kelam kabut) ye ke... tak apa, nanti saya call rumah...terima kasih...
Si seketeri pun blah balik ke meja dia... dan si Boss pun call rumah dia tanya wife dia...
Boss : Yang... tolong tengokkan garage rumah kita... pintu dia terbuka la...
Bini : Tak la bang... baru tadi saya tengok... mana ada terbuka...
Boss : Iye... terbuka... cuba pergi tengok semula.
Bini : Tidakkkkk, tertutup... saya tahu la bang...
Boss : Pergi la tengok... kalau tak terbuka macam mana orang boleh nampak?????
Bini : Okay la... okay la..
Setelah setengah jam kemudian... masa Boss ni tengah relek-relek. .. baru dia perasan yang zip seluar dia terbuka... (dah memang perangai dia tak suka pakai underware... ) maka nampaklah... mengelabahlah si Boss ni memikirkan mana macam nak cover malu kat seketeri dia tu...dan petang yang sama juga...
Boss : Errr... tadi pagi masa you nampak garage I terbuka... ada tak you nampak BMW kat dalam tu?
Seketeri : Tak... yang I nampak cuma ada Mini Cooper; dengan dua tayar depannya pancit
woakakaakakakaakakakkak.....
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Duit Hilang
Guru : "Kenapa menangis?"
Anak : "Duit saya hilang sepuluh ringgit Cikgu" (jawabnya sambil menangis)
Guru : "Sudahlah jangan menangis ye...nih Cikgu beri sepuluh ringgit."
Namun pelajar tersebut menangis semakin kuat. Cikgu pun menjadi lebih hairan.
Guru : "Aik... menangis semakin kuat? Kan Cikgu sudah ganti sepuluh ringgit."
Anak : "Iya Cikgu...tapi kalau tadi duit saya tidak hilang,kan sekarang duit saya ada dua puluh ringgit."
Guru : "??!!!"
By wwww.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Sam & Dol
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum,lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.
======================================================================
SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit
======================================================================
SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!
======================================================================
SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejur tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer....
======================================================================
SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah
======================================================================
SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.
DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku dah kena potong!
======================================================================
SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada...
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...
======================================================================
SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.
======================================================================
SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Nenek Oh Nenek
Satu hari satu gerombolan pelacur ditangkap termasuklah gadis itu.
Polis meminta pelacur-pelacur itu membuat satu garisan lurus. Semua beratur.
Tiba-tiba muncul nenek tua kepada gadis itu jalan bongkok-bongkok dan setelah
melihat cucunya berbaris dia bertanya: "Kenapa kamu berbaris di sini?"
Cucu pula untuk menghalang neneknya tahu cerita sebenar telah berbohong dengan
mengatakan ada dermawan akan menderma buah orange dan sebab itulah beliau berbaris.
Nenek beredar pergi. Di pertengahan jalan dia teringatkan cucu-cucunya yang lain yang
mungkin mengharapkan beliau membawa pulang buah-buahan.
Lalu dia pun turut berbaris tanpa diketahui oleh cucunya.Dia berbaris di belakang.
Seorang anggota polis mengambil kenyataan-kenyataan dari gadis yang sedang berbaris itu.
Apabila dia sampai untuk giliran mendapatkan kenyataan orang terakhir, dia terkejut kerana tercegat seorang nenek yang jalan pun bongkok-bongkok macam tiada kudrat.
Dia tercengang lalu tertanya: "Kamu tua, bagaimana kamu lakukannya?"
Si nenek (menyangka soalan itu ditanya tentang bagaimana dia boleh makan orange itu) menjawab:
"Oh senang je. Aku hanya cabut gigi palsu dan mula sedut sampai airnya kering."
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
3 Pesalah
atas kesalahan mengendap itik buat projek…
Lalu hakim berkata..
"kamu boleh menanyakan satu soalan kepada ku.. kalau aku dapat menjawab.. kamu akan ditahan
di penjara.. tapi kalau aku tidak dapat menjawab… kamu akan dibebaskan..
Ahli Falsafah mula berkata..
"Saya mahukan Yang Arif membawa sebuah buku falsafah yang lengkap dari Socrates.. Jika Yang
Arif berjaya membawanya.. saya rela dihukum…".
Lalu Hakim mengarahkan pekerjanya pergi mencari buku yang diperkatakan.. lalu buku itu di
berikan kepada ahli falsafah untuk di sahkan…
"Ya benar sekali ini lah bukunya yang Arif…"
Lalu Ahli Falsafah dipenjarakan…
Kemudian giliran pakar matematik mengajukan pertanyaan…
"Cuba jawab 1253*254-45557+(5454*25451) dalam masa 5 saat..".
Sambil menekan kalkulator dengan pantas.. Hakim memberikan jawapannya.. dan ternyata tepat..
Lalu Pakar Matematik pun dipenjarakan..
Giliran terakhir pergi kepada pelawak..
"Berikan saya sebuah kerusi yang mempunyai 7 lubang ditempat duduknya!". kata si pelawak..
Apabila kerusi disediakan.. pelawak itu duduk dan tiba-tiba melepaskan kentut yang kuat..
Lalu dia berdiri dan bertanya kepada Hakim..
"Yang Ariff.. dari lubang mana kentut saya tadi keluar?"
Setelah membelek kerusi dan melihat lubang yang berada tepat dibawah punggung si pelawak tadi..
hakim berkata…
"Kentut mu keluar dari lobang yang ketiga dari sebelah kanan ini..".
"Salah!!!" Sebenarnya kentut saya dari lubang punggungku ini !!!".
Pelawak itu kemudian dibebaskan.
By www.kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Meniru semasa peperiksaan
Ayah: Saya tak percaya anak saya meniru setiap kali ujian!
Cikgu: Betul Encik, kami bukan tuduh begitu sahaja.
Ayah: Ape buktinya?
Cikgu: Nah, ini buktinya kalo encik tak percaya tengoklah sendiri.
Ayah Naim melihat kertas jawapan Naim dan Azim. Soalan pertama: Siapakah bapa kemerdekaan Malaysia? Naim dan Azim memberikan jawapan yang sama iaitu Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra.
Ayah: Memanglah jawapan mereka sama. Macam mana cikgu kata anak saya meniru?
Cikgu: Sabar Encik, cuba encik lihat soalan kedua.
Ayah Naim melihat soalan kedua: Pada tahun berapakah negara kita mencapai kemerdekaan? Sekali lagi Naim dan Azim memberikan jawapan yang sama: 31 Ogos 1957. Ayah Naim sekali lagi marah, tetapi ditenteramkan untuk membaca soalan ketiga: Siapakah yang duduk disebelah Tunku Abdul Rahman di stadium merdeka?
Azim menulis: Maaf, saya tak tahu.
Naim menulis: Kalau kau tak tahu aku lagi tak tahu!!!
By kelakar2u.blogspot.com
Kenape wujud perempuan yang "gedik"..?
tetapi..yang menjadi masalahnya pula adalah...sikap sedemikian menyebabkan segelintir lelaki seperti aku ni merasa menyampah tahap dewa terhadap manusia-manusia sebegini...mengapakah perlu bersikap sedemikian terhadap pasangan anda..adakah pasangan anda sememangnya suka...ataupun suka tanpa rela....bukannya sukarela....
hurm...fikir-fikirkan lah....
"Usah biarkan diri anda dibenci,sentiasalah bermusahabah diri"
-kaizeryx-
10 kesalahan terbesar yang boleh merosakkan otak
1. Mengabaikan pengambilan sarapan pagi – Individu yg sering mengabaikan pemgambilan sarapan pagi berisiko besar mengalami kekurangan gula dalam darah. Ni akan menyebabkan bekalan nutrien tidak cukup utk dihantar ke otak dan ni akan menyebabkan bahagian tersebut mengalami kemerosotan
2. Terlalu banyak makan – Menyebabkan berlakunya pengerasan di bahagian arteri otak lalu memperlahankan kuasa mental
3. Merokok – Menyumbang kepada pengecutan otak dan penyebab kepada penyakit Alzheimer
4. Pengambilan gula yg tinggi – pengambilan yg berlebihan akan mengganggu penyerapan protein dan nutrien seterusnya akan memberikan kepada perkembangan otak
5. Pencemaran udara – otak adalah pernerima oksigen terbesar dlm sistem badan manusia. Apabila sering terdedah kpd udara yg tercemar menyebabkan kurangnya pemerimaan sumber oksigen bersih yg diperlukan otak sekali gua mengurangkan kecekapan fungsi otak
6. Kurang tidur – Mengabaikan kualiti tidur yg sempurna, akan menjejaskan sel otak dan akan mendatangkan risiko tinggi kpd berlakunya kegagalan otak utk berfungsi
7. Menutup kepala ketika sedang tidur – Tidur dgn menutup bahagian kepala akan mempertingkatkan kardon dioksida dan mengurangkan oksigen yg diperlukan oleh sistem badan
8. Memaksa otak bekerja ketika badan tidak sihat – ketika badan tidak sihat, secara tidak langsung memberikan kesan kepada otak. Memaksa diri bekerja dikala badan tidak mengizinkan akan menyumbang kpd kerosakan pada bahagian otak amnya
9. Berfikiran sempit – berfikir adalah latihan terbaik utk merangsang otak. Namun, jika seseorang sering berfikiran sempit, ia bole menyebabkan berlakunya pengecutan di bahagian otak
10. Kurang berkomunikasi – komunikasi intelektual mampu merangsang perkembangan otak. Jika seseorang jarang berkomunikasi, lama kelamaan fungsi otak akan mengalami kemunduran
By Internet
Keajaiban Berwudhu'
(Al-Ankabut: 45)
Apakah keajaiban di sebalik kita berwudhu'? Kini telah ramai pakar perubatan moden yang mengkaji kebaikan berwudhu'
wudhu merupakan senjata orang mukmin.Allah berfirman:
"Hai orang-orang yang beriman,apabila kamu hendak mengerjaka solat maka basuhlah mukamu dan tanganmu hingga ke siku dan sapulah kepalamu dan basuh kakimu ke dua-dua mata kaki, jika kamu junub maka mandilah, jika kamu sakit atau dalam perjalanan dalam kembali dari tempat buang air atau menyentuh perempuan, lalu kamu tidak memperoleh air, maka bertayamumlah dengan tanah yang baik, sapulah mukamu dan tanganmu dengan tanah itu. Allah tidak hendak menyusahkan kamu tetapi dia hendak membersihkan kamu dan menyempurnakan nikmat-Nya bagimu, supaya kamu bersyukur"
(Al-Mai'dah:6)
Wudhu' tidak hanya sekadar membersikan anggota badan yang zahir dan bukan sekadar menyucikan badan yang dilakukan secara berulang kali setiap hari. Pengaruh kejiwaan dan kemuliaan rohani dan dirasakan seorang muslim setelah berwudhu' lebih besar daripada hanya sekadar diungkapkan dengan kata-kata, terutama apabila dia telah melakukan wudhu' dengan sempurna dan baik.
Wudhu' memiliki peranan yang besar bagi kehidupan seorang muslim kerana wudhu' akan menjadikannya sselalu sedar dan bertenaga dalam hidupnya. Perkara ini sebagaimana dinyatakan sabda Nabi S.A.W yang diriwayatkan oleh Muslim:-
"Siapa yang berwudhu', dengan sempurna, maka dosa-dosanya keluar dari badan hingga ada yang keluar dari bawah kukunya."
"Siapa yang berwudhu' kemudian dia menyempurnakan dengan membasuh kedua-dua tangan, wajahnya, menyapu kepalanya dan kedua telinga, lalu dia berdiri melaksanakan solat wajib, maka dosanya diampuni pada hari itu. Dosanya diampuni selama dia menjaga kemana kakinya berjalan, menjaga apa yang dipegang tangan yang didengar telinga, yang dilihat matanya dan selama dia mencegah dirinya terjerumus ke dalam keburukan."
(H.R Ahamad dari Abu Umamah)
Membasuh anggota wudhu' yang berfungsi menghilangkan debu di badan tertentu tidak diragui lagi manfaatnya sangat besar bagi kesihatan secara umum. Hal ini disebabkan oleh anggaota badan sepanjang hari selalu dihinggap jutaan bakteria yang berasal dari setiap ruang cubic udara. Bakteria selamanya menyerang badan melalui kulit dan di tempat-tempat yang terbuka.Hal ini dengan berwudhu', dengan berwudhu' bakteria akan hilang dengan sendiri dari permukaan kulit yang di sirami dengan air, terutama apabila diiringi dengan memijak-mijak secara baik dan menyiramkan air secara merata seperti yang diajar oleh Rasulullah S.A.W, sehingga setelah berwudhu' tidak ada lagi kotoran dan bakteria yang melekat di badan, kecuali Alllah S.W.T menghendakinya .
a) Berkumur-kumur
Kajian moden menetapkan berkumjur-kumur dapat menjaga mulut dan kerongkong dari radang dan menjaganya dari terjadi radang gusi. Hal ini keraan berkumur-kumur berfungsi memelihara gigi dan menbersihkannya dari sisa-sisa makanan yang masih melekat. Manfaat lain yang sangat penting adalah dapat menguatkan sebahagian urat wajah dan menjaga kebersihannya. Hal ini merupakan sesuatu latihan penting yang telah dikenali oleh para pakar pendidikan olah raga.
Latihan ini juga bermanfaat mencipta ketenangan jiwa bagi seseorang, apabila dia benar-benar dalam keadaan menggerakkaan urat-urat mulutnya ketika berkumur-kumur.
b) Membasuh hidung
Kajian yang dilakukan sekumpulan doktor di Universiti Alexandria menetapkan ppada umumnya, orang-orang yang erwudhu' secara berterusan hidungnya bersih dari debu, kuman dan bakteria. Sebagaimana diketahui jika kita membersihkan lubang hidung dari tempat-tempat yang biasanya menjadi sarang bakteria dan kuman, lalu dibersihkan secara berterusan, maka akan menjadikan lubang hidung bersih dan aman daripada gangguan radang dan kuman. Hal ini berpengaruh kepada kesihat badan sacara keseluruhan kerana menumpuknya bakteria di lubang hidung dapa menyebabkan bahaya bagi anggota badan lain.
c) Mambasuh wajah dan kedua-dua tangan
Membasuh wajah dan kedua-dua tangan hingga kedua-dua siku memiliki manfaat yang sangat besar dalam menghilangkan debu dan bakteria, lebih-lebih lagi dalam keadaan menghilangkan peluh dari permukaan kulit. Air wudhu' juga berfungsi membersihkan kulit dari kandungan minyak yang tersimnap dari kelenjar kulit. Pada umumnya, kelejar kulit dari kandungan minyak yang tersimbap menjadi tempat yang baik bagi pembiakan kuman.So, kalau kita dah basuh InsyaAllah dah bersih
d) Kedua-dua belah kaki
Adapun membasuh kedua-dua kaki sambil memerhati dengan baik akan menciptakan perasaan tenagn dan nyaman kerana di kakilah terletak semua urat yang berhubungan dengan seluruh anggota badan. Apabila seseorang berwudhu' dengan melihat kedua-dua kakinya dengan penuh perhatian, dia seolah-olah melihat anggota badannya secara bersama. Perkara inilah antara sebab yang akan memberikan perasaan tenang dan nyaman bagi setiap muslim setelah berwudhu'
Subaahanallah!
Maha Suci Allah yang tiada sia-sia akan penciptaan-Nya..
Tahu tak macam mana nak kurangkan masalah selsema atau flu?
Hasil kajian doktor mengesahkan bahawa dengan berkumur-kumur dengan air setiap kali dapat mengatasi diserangnya penyakit kesejukan dan demam selsema. Walaupun dalam wudhu' tu sunat tetapi ianya amat bermanfaat. Cuba bayangkan semua benda rukun yang telah Allah tetapkan,
Subhanallah...
Kepala dari sesuatu perkara ialah Islam, tiangnya adalah solat dan puncaknya adalah jidad
(H.R. At-Tirmizi)
Semoga kita tetap beristiqamah menunaikan apaa yang telah difardhukan ke atas kita.
Wallahua'lam...
By Ahmad Bin Salim Badwailan
7 Perkara Yang Dilarang Selepas Makan, Berwaspadalah Bagi Mengekalkan
Jangan terus memakan buah-buahan – Memakan buah-buahan sebaik sahaja selepas makan akan menyebabkan perut kembung kerana dimasuki angin. Oleh itu, makanlah buah-buahan 1- 2 jam selepas sesuatu hidangan atau 1 jam sebelumnya.
Jangan minum teh – Kerana daun teh mengandungi kandungan asid yang tinggi. Bahan ini boleh menyebabkan kandungan protein di dalam makanan yang dimakan akan menjadi keras, justeru ianya lebih sukar untuk dihadam
Jangan longgarkan tali pinggang anda – Melonggarkan tali pinggang sesudah makan dengan mudahnya akan menyebabkan usus berpusing dan amp tersekat
Jangan mandi - Mandi akan menyebabkan peningkatan aliran darah ke tangan, kaki dan badan, justeru jumlah darah disekeliling perut akan menurun. Ini akan melemahkan sistem penghadaman di dalam perut kita.
Jangan berjalan-jalan – Biasanya orang akan mengatakan bahawa berjalanlah seratus langkah sesudah makan dan anda akan hidup sehingga berusia 99 tahun. Hakikatnya, ini adalah tidak benar. Berjalan akan menyebabkan sistem penghadaman tidak berupaya untuk menyerap nutrien daripada makanan yang dimakan.
Jangan terus tidur – Makanan yang dimakan tidak akan dapat dihadam dengan sempurna. Ini akan membawa kepada keadaan gastrik dan jangkitan di dalam usus kita.
By Viram
Cara Baru Penyebaran HIV
1. Di kawasan pantai. Apabila anda berjalan di pantai sila pakai selipar
atau kasut, ada penagih dadah yang melakukan aktiviti di tepi pantai
danmenimbus jarum penyuntik didalam pasir. Penyuntik ini kemudiannya
terdedah akibat ombak.
2. Di kawasan permainan kanak-kanak.Satu lagi kawasan pilihan penagih.Terdapat
kes di Australia di mana kanak-kanak yg tak berdosa telah tercucuk jarum
penyuntik apabila beliau turun daripada papan lunsur
& kemudiannya didapati HIV positif.
3. Di panggung wayang. Sila pastikan kerusi yg anda duduki. Kes yang terjadi
apabila seorang perempuan duduk dikerusi beliau dan terasa sesuatu benda
mencucuk. Beliau berdiridan mendapati ada penyuntik dan nota
berbunyi ''Welcome to the real world, youare now HIV positive'' .Doktor telah
memeriksa jarum tersebut & mengesahkan ianya terdapat virus HIV. Ianya berlaku
di Hawai jadi berhati-hati ... ...
4. Di Georgia & Florida , ada kes menunjukkan pesakit HIV meletakkan
penyuntik di dalam tempat mengembalikan syiling, mesin air minuman...jadi
pastikan bila anda membeli airatau kandi, perhatikan betul-betul tempat mengembalikan wang syiling....mungkin terdapat jarum penyuntik
didalam nya.
5. Di restoran Burger King, pesakit HIVyang juga pekerjanya meletakkan sedikit
darah di dalam burger & mencampur kandungan mayonis dan salad. Ianya seperti
sos. Jadi cuba jangan pesan burger dengan mayonis & sos Order di tempat lain.
By Dr.Yasmin Anum Mohd Yusof.
Nuclear Power-It is suitable in Malaysia?
In recent times nuclear-physicists at the Tsing Hua University Beijing have built a newer kind of nuclear power generations module and they called it the Pebble Bed Reactor – or also referred to as the Pebble Bed Modular Reactor or the High Temperature Gas Cooled Reactor (HTGR). This reactor is much smaller in size, and could also be constructed from readily mass-produced parts available and it is cheaply and very much affordable for emerging economic countries. I have learned that this kind of reactor is meltdown-proof and to date only South Africa, China & Iran is actively pursuing this type of power generations. The pebble bed reactor is a Triso fuel imbedded graphite derived fission source and gas-cooled, thus doing away with threats of polluting the water ways in its cooling element. It is rated as a mini nuclear reactor with passive safety ratings (some says it’s not even really nuclear). Passive safety means that it requires no electronic shutdown in the event of over heating or sudden lost of coolant as it relies more on fail-proof physics law for that process to naturally (Brayton Thermodynamics) and slowly take place.
But admittedly, there are still minor radiation safety concerns in the Triso/graphite fuel encasement method that’s in use today. But its window of vulnerability is very minimal. Maybe we can still go nuclear for efficiency Tun. We just have to select the right technique and educate the public on newer nuclear power generations technology. Chernobyl, which suffered a catastrophic meltdown was of old engineering reactor technology and was reported to have been poorly maintained by the formerly cash strapped USSR.
Nonetheless, I extremely very seriously doubt the Malaysian government would ever go the nuclear way Tun. I believe we would hang on to all modules of power generations we have today. For nuclear power generations to happen we need huge land mass or geographically desolated enough like Japan (but Borneo may work). So that our neighbors wont quite mind and can sleep peacefully at night.
Tun, I am no nuclear physicist, but nuclear power generations is a topic which we track quite closely and I believe that with depleting fuel and hydro-water source couple to the fast increasing demand for cheap efficient energy, PBMR is the power source of the future. When Tun Daim made a mention in Parliament while debating the budget bill 2000 of issues pertaining to renewable energy and touching slightly on nuclear generations, I thought that Tun was in view that nuclear may work after all (?). But I guess I was wrong.
In my humble view, Hydro energy is safe and green but very costly, solar and wind energy generation is good but won’t supply enough power to sustain anything bigger than a small community scattered about in remote reaching-difficult terrains like those found in Iran, EU today. Anyway, I seriously doubt the Malaysian government would ever go nuclear. Be it the complex and risky huge conventional type or the smaller and efficient PBR types of nuclear power generations – it just won’t be coming this way. This topic is almost passé at best. But those are just my personal layman views.
Here is a list of nations with numbers of conventional nuclear power plants:
US 105
France 59
Japan 63
Russia (CIS) 32
South Korea 22
UK 19
Canada 18
Germany 17
India 17
Ukraine 15
China 11 (30 more in the pipeline/highly likely to be PBMR type)
Sweden 10
And nations running on PBMR/PBR/HTGR type of nuclear power generations
South Africa, China and possibly Iran.
PBMR is that middle ground for the future of nuclear vs. non nuclear power generations. Like some say, it may not even really be nuclear after all. The IAEA is still working on it.
By Kamal Ahmad.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Kenapa Orang Islam Dilarang Makan Babi??.
Bagaimana mungkin babi-babi itu terjangkit cacing pita atau bakteria dan mikroba lainnya.?"Imam Muhammad Abduh tidak langsung menjawab pertanyaan itu, dan dengan kecerdikannya beliau meminta mereka untuk menghadirkan dua ekor ayam jantan beserta satu ayam betina, dan dua ekor babi jantan beserta satu babi betina.
Mengetahui hal itu, mereka bertanya, "Untuk apa semua ini?"Beliau menjawab,"Penuhi apa yang saya pinta, maka akan saya perlihatkan suatu rahsia." Mereka memenuhi apa yang beliau pinta. Kemudian beliau memerintahkan agar melepas dua ekor ayam jantan bersama satu ekor ayam betina dalam satu kandang. Kedua ayam jantan itu berkelahi dan saling membunuh, untuk mendapatkan ayam betina bagi dirinya sendiri, hingga salah satu dari keduanya hampir tewas. Beliau lalu memerintahkan agar mengurung kedua ayam tersebut. Kemudian beliau memerintahkan mereka untuk melepas dua ekor babi jantan bersama dengan satu babi betina. Kali ini mereka
menyaksikan keanehan. Babi jantan yang satu membantu temannya sesama jantan untuk melaksanakan hajat seksualnnya, tanpa rasa cemburu, tanpa harga diri atau keinginan untuk menjaga babi betina dari temannya.
Selanjutnya beliau berkata, "Saudara-saudara, daging babi membunuh ghirah' orang yang memakannya. Itulah yang terjadi pada kalian. Seorang lelaki dari kalian melihat isterinya bersama lelaki lain, dan membiarkannya tanpa rasa cemburu, dan seorang bapak di antara kalian melihat anak perempuannya bersama lelaki asing, dan kalian membiarkannya tanpa rasa cemburu, dan was-was, kerana daging babi itu menularkan sifat-sifatnya pada orang yang memakannya.